“If the only thing I have to do to get you to back down is not like you, that’s easy.”  

Power is a topic that makes people uncomfortable, especially women. The fact is, creating social change requires power, and 80% of small nonprofits are led by women.

Unfortunately, gaining influence, power, and developing leadership skills oftentimes take a back seat to the never ending cycle of raising (not enough) money and recruiting board members (that aren’t always the best fit).

Learning from Martha Stewart

The quote at the beginning of this post is hers.

I was taken by surprise after reading an article in the New York Times Magazine: Martha Stewart’s best lesson: Don’t give a damn.  Ann Friedman writes eloquently about her, the impressive and the frightening.

One sentence from the article made it’s way into my working memory. Now that’s impact.

“Her faith in herself and her methods are unrelenting: work hard, know your value, and have enough confidence in your work and value to keep pressing forward whether or not people seem to like you.”

What about you? Ask yourself these questions:

Do I have unrelenting confidence in my work and do I know my value?  

If you’re not willing to boldly move forward and make an impact with a career you believe in and love, then you need to come to terms with the fact that it will never happen.

Do I keep pressing forward whether or not people seem to like me?

Like at a board meeting, does the need to be liked get in your way?

For many women, the need to be liked is ingrained. It’s different than being kind, empathetic  or compassionate. It’s more about fear.

Jeffrey Pfeffer is a professor of organizational behavior at Stanford University Graduate School of Business. I heard him speak at a lecture series for young women.

Power, he argues, is a force that can be used and harnessed not only for individual gain but also for the benefit of organizations and society.

Below are surprisingly simple tips from Pfeffer to help you develop the power you need to move your nonprofit forward. And your career.  

Pathways to power for women in nonprofits

Self-awareness is step one

Without this, you’re doomed. You don’t know what you don’t know about how you come off with others. Peer coaching is one of the secrets of those with power.

Get 3 people you trust to tell you the truth about you.

Don’t be judgemental

We all do it. It’s easy to look at people that appear to have it all together with their education, influential friends, and titles.

I bet you’ve judged a few board members as “not the fundraising type”… or whatever. According to Pfeffer, the ones that don’t look like your stereotypical leader, yet have been successful in some area of their life, are the ones to learn from.

Why? It was harder for them and they know what it takes.

A few other gems

• Do favors and ask for favors (this doesn’t come naturally)
• Flatter (authentically)
• Leave opponents a graceful out
• Be nice to those you don’t like

Back to Martha

“The trick, it seems, is to embrace Martha’s commitment to her personal vision, her work ethic, and her zero-fucks-given attitude without veering into the realm of unnecessary meanness or, God forbid, lawbreaking.”

Thanks Ann Friedman. It’s a strategy that would benefit many women, who even Sheryl Sandberg acknowledges tend to be too concerned about their likability.

Is being likable important to you?

Tricia Dell is a fundraising coach, facilitator, and strategist for nonprofit organizations. Learn more at triciadell.com and follow her on twitter @triciadell.

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