Is there a self-defeating power dynamic between you and your donors?

You know the dynamic. They have the power and money and you’re the beggar.

They’re one-up and you’re one-down. They’re doing you a favor by making a gift.

Sound familiar?

How do you figure into this awkward power dynamic?

  1. When thinking about a donor that’s important to your organization, say, Jana, is money at the center of the relationship?
  2. Do you ponder her next gift or whether you can “get” more money out of her?
  3. Do you consider yourself an equal, or is there a hint of one up/one/down?
  4. Do you ever feel guarded about what’s happening with the organization? Like she may not give if she only knew.

The truth is donors and the leaders representing nonprofit organizations are equals.

In the purest sense, donors bring the cash (or other valuable resources like their ideas, creativity, or contacts) and you bring the expertise. One is nothing without the other.

If money is at the center of the relationship, there will always be a skewed power dynamic.  Namely, the people with the money will have the power and the organization will be one down.

Fear of asking for money is your issue. Not your donors.

Donors want to make a difference in the world with their money. That’s it. 

Just imagine how much more powerful your work would be if you could remove that buyer/seller dynamic from the culture of your organization? What donors want is a partnership.

Not to be a walking checkbook.

They want to give money to a responsible, confident adult that they trust – not someone who’s afraid of them. What kind of a message is that?

Think about it? Would you give money to bring veggie garden and experiential learning to your local public school?

Does teaching children where their food comes from and how to integrate a healthy lifestyle into their lives represent your values? Do you feel strongly? It should be clear – yes or no?

Or maybe bringing the arts to disadvantaged youth is a value that you feel strongly about – yes or no?

Did you give money to Obama (or not)? How does that represent your values and identity? I bet you have feelings about that.

When my husband and I make a gift to a nonprofit, you can be sure it represents our values. Otherwise, we wouldn’t do it.

Our support is a statement about what we care about. What we stand for. We’re proud!

Bottom line: People like to give money. It feels good.

Moving from “help us” to partnership

True Partnership is when the nonprofit leaders and donors collectively look at how to move the organization forward. This is opposed to inviting a donor to “help us” fund a program.

The “us” vs. “them” thing.

Portrait of four partners looking at camera with smiles

Your approach is working when the inspired donor says things like:

  • “We have to make that happen,”
  • “It’s critical that we solve this problem,” or
  • “What can I do?”

Opening your hearts to your donors, and engaging them as equals is a powerful force. Not always tidy, but that’s where the meaning lies.

How to never fear rejection again

In this scenario, your donor decides to not make a major gift to your organization.

Here’s how to re-frame it to be a “win” for both of you.

1. You ask your donor for a major gift.

2. The donor responds: “You know Sal, I really do like what you guys are doing at the theatre. I see that it makes (xxx name of town) stronger. I’ll keep making my $250 donation each year, but my passion is with domestic violence”…then Sam explains why. A very personal story.

Sal wants to prioritize his money to ending domestic violence, not yours.

So what do you do?

3. You say, “Sam, I know someone on the board of xxx shelter. She’s an amazing person and I’d love to introduce you…”

Done! You don’t get your major gift, but you’ve done your job exceedingly well as a philanthropist.

Can you imagine how developing this skill could change YOUR life?

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The philanthropic conversation (rather than the limited thinking of asking for money) benefits us all, regardless of the outcome for the organization.

Hold the big societal picture dear and everyone wins.

A few action steps:

  • Check out this 6-minute video of Jennifer McCrae (she frames and articulates this approach of asking for major gifts beautifully.) Get a few board members to watch.
  • Identify a few donors that love your nonprofit and talk to them about these ideas. Get their feedback. They’ll be honored that you care enough to ask.
  • Shift from bad fear to good fear. The kind that gives you an adrenaline rush. If that is not present, you’re still in status quo mode.

Ask your donors what matters to them most, and why. The answer should drive everything you do.

It doesn’t get much better when someone opens their heart to you.

Do you know what matters most to your most loyal donors?

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